January 2005
to drag out desire
whether it is a philosphoical exercise or a deep fear of committment, i seem to be enjoying myside a bit with my with my conceptual yoga woman. i would pretty much have to be a total incompetent man to not pursue her more serioursly but i am not going to explore that line of logic. i can list plenty of reasons that ‘hold’ me back from getting it over with but right now i seem to be enjoying the process on multiple levels. maybe it’s just after my yoga high today that i am thinking sure i […]
our greatest fear
someone great once said, maybe it was nelson mandela, maybe it wasn’t but it’s not the point. actually, after a little research, it isn’t nelson, regardless it was said to some effect – ‘our greatest fear is not who we are, but who we are capable of’. in a nutshell, that is the world that i exist in. that is what is holding us back. the human race. me, my friends and my lovers. to realize our potential means to realize our responsilbity. and that is the tall order for many of us. the responsiblity to not […]
the enternal sunshine of a spotless mind
the sheer brillance of charlie kaufman and the whimsical genius of michel gondry, wow, i haven’t seen a movie that entertaining in a long time. slightly better than adaptation and being john milkoovih because for some reason the movie hit home so much for me. when i think about my last relationship and the agnst and confusion but utter undenible joy that i experience, it feels righteous that i dig take the risk. if i look back in my entries, i am sure i can find the reason why against the face of all reason that i […]
everyone wants a different me
it depends on who and what time of day it is. some people want me to do more art. others want me to get a different career. while others just want me to get a girl and be happy. why is that people think that i live such a dismal existence because i am not jumping around with joy as if i am in love? they say, you’re working too much and have no life. you’re not paying yourself shit and you never life the house. what do you do for fun besides your 2 hours of […]
the sexual intellectuals
tonight we celebrate the coming out of the sexual intellecutals, otherwise known the thinking man’s porn. some may argue that it’s just a matter of aestheic, because fundmentally porn is simply the objection of body, be it woman or women. we laid it out on the table for all to analyze and rationalize. it would be far easy to dismiss it as the cancer of humanity but even in the negivity , it serves as a counter point existence. the seed of desire, wholesome as the purity of love or indulgunce of pornogrpahy, lies within each one […]
self portrait series
_heartland inn, council bluff, IOWA. i am not sure when i did my first one but i’ve quite a few in the series. nothing like the loneliness of being in a hotel in the middle of nowhere to spur my creativity. maybe i can get real cute and invite girls to my hotel room and take photos. so tiring but i guess i wouldn’t turn it down if it was offered on a platter.
December 2004
sober and determined
i feel like i’ve lost a lot of ground in the last couple of days. a lot of movie watching and too much substance abuse. granted, it’s the ‘holiday’ but that concept has completely gone out of the window for me. i don’t think my life will synchonize anymore with the general public. so, for once, i may write something more meaningful tonight after general consumptation of a number of buddhist blogs earlier today. it’s definitely interesting to read other people’s thoughts on their practice and struggles. although i am well beyond the uber slacker status as […]
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