i feel like i’ve lost a lot of ground in the last couple of days. a lot of movie watching and too much substance abuse. granted, it’s the ‘holiday’ but that concept has completely gone out of the window for me. i don’t think my life will synchonize anymore with the general public. so, for once, i may write something more meaningful tonight after general consumptation of a number of buddhist blogs earlier today. it’s definitely interesting to read other people’s thoughts on their practice and struggles. although i am well beyond the uber slacker status as regard to the practice, i still feel like there is a fundmental difference between my perception and most of what i’ve read. granted, it’s quite wrong for me to judge where people are at with their spiritual practice but people do reveal themselves though their writings. certainly, whenever i read back on some of my entries, i am quite aware of my frustration and conflict during those periods. my overconfidence in my own preception is naturally my own weakness as well but for now, i think i can use it as my own beating stick. my personal beating hasn’t spur me to do much so it’s a rather fruitless game i play with myself. regardless, it continues to permeate through much of my life in very subtle ways but it is definitely present. i can imagaine if i had the discipline to realize the knowledge on an action level, i can get some real serious work done. but isn’t that the quiessential dilemana of all practiioners? no, apparently i am no different, i only think i am capable of more and that does mean something.
