when i first realize the moment that there was something wrong, i didn’t even register that what was wrong was more profound that i can imagine. even while the doctor was doing the ultra sound to find a heartbeat, i even thought that it was just momentary and that it would be okay later. the first time it did finally hit me was when the second doctor came in to verify the other doctor’s finding. then it finally dawned on me that my second born was dead. i remember crying but in hindsight, i was still shocked […]

2019-06-22T21:56:54-08:00Tags: |

lost letter to uma

whenever you tell me how ‘favoublus’ you look, i great a chuckle inside my soul. the way you say it and how you say it with such pride, it’s a wonderful joy you give me. every day, i ask myself why you didn’t come into my life earlier. i would have sooner realize the preciousness of this human life. i know it intellectually before but only until now do i feel it in my bones. so i simultaneously rush so that i can slow down earlier. it’s a funny joke we play on ourselves. and then i […]

2015-01-01T00:07:49-08:00Tags: |

patterns and convergence

it’s too early to tell how really major this past month has been but i know it’s big enough to warrant a level 5 analysis. in this analysis, we will look at the karmic conditions and pathogical parameters that have lead me to this most interesting junction in my life. first, female energy returns to the house of natoma and then mom randomly calls me after 10 years. and then, the 10 ton truck hits me and i am still picking up the emotional pieces from the highway of twisted destinies. even while the i am plotting […]

2014-12-31T23:17:34-08:00Tags: , |
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