it’s been a very long time since i’ve realize how much i’ve taken life for granted. all the amazing things in my life that i grown so accustom to because ‘god damn it’, i earned it. the fallacy that my sense of security is any bettter than others because it wasn’t given to me. like my higher states of rationalization makes me feel more secure about concepts inherently flawed. it’s not so much as an identity crisis but a kick in the guts that all i’ve accomplished is simply a shelter against the very concepts that i […]

so she finally decided to leave the country. to call it quits because it’s been such a long struggle to find her independence. no doubt it’s been difficult but it was never meant to be easy. i am sure it’s going to be easier going back to the motherland with friends and family but at what cost to character the development? i think she’s had it too easy for most of her life. confronted with the realities of young adult life, identities and all that stuff that can drive normal people whacky and i can understand why […]

without doubt, my relationship with her has been one of the most emotionally extreme. i sound like a broken record because i’ve written and thought about it too much. it’s close to two months now so i think the closure/mouring period is coming up pretty soon. i hoping after 3 months of yanking back and forth will be sufficient for me to throw in the towel. i think i need a big vacation for sure. at least two weeks to kick it and rediscover my creative voice. it’s been lost in the mess of being overworked and […]

each of these my three babies I will carry with me for myself I ask no one else will be mother to these three and of course I’m like a wild horse but there’s no other way I could be water + feed are not tools that I need for the thing that I’ve chosen to be -three babies, sinead so i finally understand why i can’t get her out of my mind. it feels like high school all over again, the almost blind affection that was sinead. my first female rock star obsession. i dig sinead […]

another great causality in the war that never ends. it will be some time before the full damage comes into the light. it’s not about losing the physical being of the relationship that is so daunting. for there are so many more fishes in the sea but the movitivation of the search that yields that harvest that has lost another notch. in so many words, the faith of finding the soul beyond your soul has been shattered again. although the first and foremost is finding the soul within the self, the journey is no doubt glorified by […]