sometimes i wonder how on a relative level that my state of mind is so far from the state in which i aspire to. the gap of disparity between the higher self and the confused self is so great that the higher self begins to doubt if it is really any higher. that is the essential point of this inquiry. if extinction is not the point of the exercise than does mere acceptance is sufficient in it self? questions to which intellectually already know the answer but lack the conviction of experience. it is a fundmental problem […]

in the darkness the emptiness tastes like dirt the pure orangic kind that smells wonderful and wholesome in the emptiness her presense is light light as the only shining star on a dark night wish as i may resentful as i dare bitter as i feel empty as i desire all these states of being only inherently push me further from the truth that binds emptiness to completeness

the internet made my night tonight. i discovered a new band through my current idols, lamb! i was reading a newsletter they had sent out and they were talking about their hightlights and lowpoints of 2002. Anyway, the both of them listed this singer that i had thought was liz fraser’s boyfriend, but i suspect that it’s not the case. the name looks very similar to liz’s boyfriend but i think it’s a different bloke. anyway, maybe i am being a little over the top because i had a little too much single malt but nevertheless i […]

unwelcome pressure of an “unmovable” deadline lies before us now. the first in our short careers as so call artists. so call because what we done up to date is made our little safety nest so that we can practice art without the suffering that is associated with art. by some strange forces beyond our pitiful plans, we’re been thrust a project that requires us to actually think like an artist. to actually to assert our vision for judgement. in short, we have been commission to produce over 50 protriats of the our favorite city’s finest residents. […]

i can’t find the movatation to just go out to a party to just kick it. maybe it’s because i rather just ‘work’, maybe i don’t feel like i can socialize with normal people anymore. well, i know i can but i have to really try. like there’s something unnatural about it. it’s always been inside me; this quasi uninterested attitude at parties or most social scenes in general. i am not much of a small talker. anyway, a friend told me about this party tonight and i am sure it would have been a blast because […]