i don’t think i’ve ever gotten the call before but i guess it was only a matter of time now. i was expecting that i would hear about my grandma first but it turns out that it will be one of my cousins. in an instance when i got the call, i knew that it was tragdic because i recognize the voice of in an asian man showing his emotions. it’s a cold monotone type of voice that smells of hidden weakness. and so my cousin mattter of factly reports that the first cousin that was born […]

something that i’ve always known but never realized just how potent it can be has been my wicked tongue. words do hurt and i’ve regretted a number of things i’ve said in the past couple of months. just today, i got a reminder about how wicked i can be. and in my position, as a somewhat respectable fellow, my words cut deeper. and that is the point of all my meditation. to learn to control my emotions in the most intense arguements. so, it’s readily apparent that I still have a long way to go.

it’s been a year since i took broke away from the corporate system completely and life has come full circle. i find myself in a state of intimate turmoil, fiscal weakness and mental overload. the repetitive days seem deceptively simple enough. wake up. focus for 10 hours. loss focus for 3 hours. wash. document. sleep. it’s in a nutshell kinda of living. some days i rejoice in the simplicity of it all and other days, i wonder how long i can put up with this passive agressive intensity. funny enough, what i wrote down a year ago […]

a word of advice to myself, don’t ever talk about relationship stuff on email. serious conversation requires so much more observation and non verbal cues that in a meduim such as email and Instant messaging is lost. but the point of the lesson is if you want to be a chicken about communication, then use IM and email to say shit that lacks any emotional appeal. Just imagaine how easy it is to break up with someone when you just have to type like that you’re coding your website. Communication is a limited tool to begin with […]

it’s the darkest hour of this long distince relationship. i guess i shouldn’t be surprise the relationship did a 180 within less than 2 weeks. from i can’t wait to get back into the states to my brother is going to pick my stuff in january. the funniest thing is that this all transpired through emails and IMs. she’s pull this string before but this time, it’s so much easier to just let it all go. she in her ‘you don’t support me enough and you’re shaping my opinion too much’ mode so it’s almost useless talking […]