i don’t think i’ve ever gotten the call before but i guess it was only a matter of time now. i was expecting that i would hear about my grandma first but it turns out that it will be one of my cousins. in an instance when i got the call, i knew that it was tragdic because i recognize the voice of in an asian man showing his emotions. it’s a cold monotone type of voice that smells of hidden weakness. and so my cousin mattter of factly reports that the first cousin that was born in the US is currently brian dead and in a coma in a hospital in vermont. apparently, in the first run of the day was went the accident occur. and so it’s only approriate he was only 18 and he had just taken his first steps as an adult.
_my cousin with his brother in the middle and father
it’s the first time in a very long time, that i felt that i was part of a family. for the past decade, i’ve lived my life as a fast forward motion of self declaration. it in the past 24 hours, i remember that my cousin was really my brother that i never acknowledge. for for the latter part of my teenage years, it was his parents that provide me with the simple gift of a roof over my head. whether i acknowledge or not, they influence who i am more than i can imagine. my karma is inexplicitedly bound to the burden that my aunt and uncle carried since they came to america. now, i truly hope that one day i will have the opportunity to honor them for all they have done quietly in our family. they are the silent bearers of strengtn in a family of mischiefs and good doers.
it’s been a long time since i had anything meaningful to express and i can write a novel about all the things that are going through my mind but i would be bored with myself after 10 minutes. i’ve become too predictable, which although not necessary misalign in anyway, i still feel that it’s too repetitive for my own taste. to be honest, in the past many days, i’ve refrain from my mal expressionism because my state of mind has been so dready and lacking. it was frozen in a state of comatose auto pilot existence. but now, after too many winter ales, i finally found the gusto to purge all the hogwash that have been cogged in my emotinal state of being.