the dust in beginning to settle between the two of us and i am beginning to realign myself again. a friend suggested i start rereading all the buddhist texts i have and within 30 minutes, my suffering made me laugh. it’s all so true because the lesson of grasping and attachment has again kick me in the ass. without doubt the relationship was a very vaulable experience in the path to nothingness. i am near the tail of exhausting the emotional demons that have plague my mind and soul, or i should hope so. i am approaching […]

it’s been a very long time since i’ve realize how much i’ve taken life for granted. all the amazing things in my life that i grown so accustom to because ‘god damn it’, i earned it. the fallacy that my sense of security is any bettter than others because it wasn’t given to me. like my higher states of rationalization makes me feel more secure about concepts inherently flawed. it’s not so much as an identity crisis but a kick in the guts that all i’ve accomplished is simply a shelter against the very concepts that i […]

so she finally decided to leave the country. to call it quits because it’s been such a long struggle to find her independence. no doubt it’s been difficult but it was never meant to be easy. i am sure it’s going to be easier going back to the motherland with friends and family but at what cost to character the development? i think she’s had it too easy for most of her life. confronted with the realities of young adult life, identities and all that stuff that can drive normal people whacky and i can understand why […]

without doubt, my relationship with her has been one of the most emotionally extreme. i sound like a broken record because i’ve written and thought about it too much. it’s close to two months now so i think the closure/mouring period is coming up pretty soon. i hoping after 3 months of yanking back and forth will be sufficient for me to throw in the towel. i think i need a big vacation for sure. at least two weeks to kick it and rediscover my creative voice. it’s been lost in the mess of being overworked and […]