the dust in beginning to settle between the two of us and i am beginning to realign myself again. a friend suggested i start rereading all the buddhist texts i have and within 30 minutes, my suffering made me laugh. it’s all so true because the lesson of grasping and attachment has again kick me in the ass. without doubt the relationship was a very vaulable experience in the path to nothingness. i am near the tail of exhausting the emotional demons that have plague my mind and soul, or i should hope so. i am approaching thirty and i have to make this turning point a concious choice between two equally appealing paths. to tantra or not?


but fundmentally, the golden roof of tantra and relationship as a vehicle of empowerment doesn’t come before the foundation has been laid. so, the choice is clear. sorely lacking is the discipline and conviction of belief to sustain the path. but i’ve biten the bullet and have signed up for a 8 day meditation retreat. just wondering if i should fast before or during the retreat. the monk in me has taken over.