i read a some buddhist text last night and for the longest time, i’ve avoided reading spiritual books in general. i felt such a great disparity between my current reality and the aspirations of the text. so after reading last night, i am reminded that my strategy deferment is fundamentally flawed. meanwhile, i am starting up the story in my head that i am entering my 40th year of existence and i feel like i am way behind on ‘achievements’. In my head, there is a stage of contentment fulfilling achievement that will allow me the time […]

first, i need to feed my mind with more nutritious material. even though i have cut down the amount of meaningless crap that i read, it’s still meaningless, even though applicable in different contexts. if i am to access my higher self, i need to start with the mind. next, is to build the ‘base’ for meditation. i am reading a book on running and mediation and there’s a great analogy on building the base to get deeper into both practices. i’ve been running for over 3 years now so i think the base is there for […]

just watched the movie the next 3 days, a remake of a french movie with hollywood’s heavy hand. slow but pretty good and like most things i visually consume, i wonder how much of the ideas they explore really apply to my life/thinking. although i would have to believe that that kind of love for your wife exist, i can’t help but wonder what i am ‘missing’ because i don’t feel that way. so much of culture keep re enforcing these idealized concepts that invariably make most of us feel like shit when we don’t have […]