what happens when i question the exercise of these mental farts? not saying much but at the same time having some meaning in a relative context. when i reconsider the train of thoughts from the past years, it’s painfully apparent that my mind state is borderline fuck up. not only has my attention span been sprung into 8.2 minutes, my ability to communicate and express has deteriorated to the point that i disgust myself. if i didn’t want to take responsibility for the deterioration of my communication skills, then i would blame it on a lack of […]

[[[ wow this is a powerful quote; this first part "If we do not uncover [our] problems--and I saw this in myself--we risk placing a veneer of spirituality over deeply buried emotional wounds from childhood that do not simply go away." somehow makes me think of cynthia and discussions of her spirituallity and spiritual path; the rest powerfully puts into words the sentiment of confusion or unclarity around spirituality and the meaning of life and self dilusion and denial that i think i have touched on in conversations with you before. anyway, this is very thought provoking ]]]

bad english. bad communication. bad leader. thank goodness i will be retiring from this life for trying to be good. will there be days when you actually are worse than the shit that you think you are. that’s putting it rather incompletely and unflattering. it does make me want to give up sometimes. to realize how much effort it takes to be just bad. you would like to think that people appreciate it but at the end, like the good parent that has spoiled their kids, you will just hang you head and ask was it all […]