what happens when i question the exercise of these mental farts? not saying much but at the same time having some meaning in a relative context. when i reconsider the train of thoughts from the past years, it’s painfully apparent that my mind state is borderline fuck up. not only has my attention span been sprung into 8.2 minutes, my ability to communicate and express has deteriorated to the point that i disgust myself. if i didn’t want to take responsibility for the deterioration of my communication skills, then i would blame it on a lack of time. if i had more time, i would first not write after midnight and actually read it a couple of times before publishing it. but at that rate, i would probably publish once a month at best. for now, it’s better to express shit imperfectly than to perfect the art of self grandiosement.
anyway, i am on a verge of a major ‘i need to study tibeten buddhism’ kick, so i’ve been researching my favorite publisher of all things tibetan…snow lion publications. i would like to believe the study of the stories/methods would inspire my practice but more likely i am simply just using it as an excuse to find something else to do besides work all the time. still, i haven’t been a total loser when it comes to the practice. the practice ebbs and flows in intensity but at the end of the day, the motivation is ever present.