got a strange email from an anonymous user on myspace and they mention something that confirm they true nature. the email was from an old friend of my from my first dot com job back in 96. in some regards she was the first ‘city’ friend that i still maintain contact with now and then. we had our ups and downs as friends, which is a noticeable pattern in my most of my friendships. anyway, it’s one of those friends that you always make time to see because the farther away from the point of origination, the more interesting it becomes over time. sort of like my desire to go back to a high school reunion because i am quite curious about what happen to everyone. hopefully, i can make my 20th and be somewhat unrespectable. anyway, major digression here but my old friend mentions in her email that she saw my landlord in findhorn! at first, i thought she was smoking some MJ but i googled the bitch and find out that it’s some transformation clinic in scotland. and of course, it makes perfect sense that my landlord would be in such a place. i thought, how cool was that two people in my life cross paths from around the world. as a matter of fact, i was telling my new roommate today about him. with such pride that i tell her how much we did him as a landlord. i bet it sounds pretty silly outside of the context that you don’t mind playing rent so you can fund your landlord’s travel ossdesy. if i dear should say that is a friend, then i would simply be sponsoring him in a most admirable less beaten track. he would be one of the few that would understand the why of the toil because he’s enjoying the fruits of his toil. anyway, i was suppose to write something else entirely tonight but got side tracked by the random email of paths crossing. i was enjoying the experience of butterfly in my stomach earlier tonight when i was chatting up with this recent acquaintance. i would won’t as far to say that i fancy her but there was enough nervous energy for me to bad sexual innuendo jokes in a almost asian style charming kind of way. the kind of charm that kung fu superstars have when they speak in broken english about how keep of a love they have for a person without ever admitting it until they’re fighting a poison that is going to kill them internally and the object of the love close at hand. i was thinking about when the last time i felt these sense of nervous because even though i see gorgeous woman all the time, most of the time i don’t react much to their energy level. anyway, in some regards it’s pretty pathetic that i am actually writing about this because i am sure most guys would have her phone number in hand along with 3 other numbers from last night. luckily, i had a reaffirmation conversation a last night with a friend struggling with the same painful tension between people that can simply fuck and people that must love. i guess another way i look about this how ‘feeling’ experience is that when you’re really present with it, it seems wholly sufficient for what it is. maybe it’s rationalization but i am want for the quote that suggests any feeling fully and presently experience is a complete experience in itself. for repeated experiences will more likely simply dilute that initial experience. when you consider the first time you did something great like make love or do some cool drug, that experience is something you never forget, whether it was great or painful. which reminds me again on why i have become even more unreasonable some things of late. failure is to not take that risk. to not act act on the faith of foresight. naturally, foresight can be premature as it has been already shown in the burst of many dot coms. are we condemn to repeat such unreasonable foresight? or will the synchronicity of the past, present and future present an wonderful opportunity in this lifetime to forge a gold standard in continuous expression fo the infinite soul. the fogginess of the path begins to lighten as i take pause to inventory the authenticity of my experience.
got a strange email from an anonymous user on myspace and they mention something that confirmed their true nature. the email was from an old friend of my from my first dot com job back in ’96. in some regards she was the first ‘city’ friend that i still maintain contact with now and then. we had our ups and downs as friends, which is a noticable pattern in my most of my friendships. anyway, it’s one of those friends that you always make time to see because the farther away from the point of orgination, the more interesting it becomes over time. sort of like my desire to go back to a high school reunion because i am quite curious about what happen to everyone. hopefully, i can make my 20th and be somewhat unrespectable. anyway, major digression here but my old friend mentions in her email that she saw my landlord in findhorn! at first, i thought she was smoking some MJ but i googled the bitch and find out that it’s some transformation clinic in scotland. and of course, it makes perfect sense that my landlord would be in such a place. i thought, how cool was it that two people in my life cross paths from around the world. as a matter of fact, i was telling my new roommate today about him. with such pride that i tell her how much we did [miss?, like?] him as a landlord. i bet it sounds pretty silly outside of the context that you don’t mind playing rent so you can fund your landlord’s travel ossdesy. if i should dare say that is a friend, then i would simply be sponsoring him in a most admirable less beaten track. he would be one of the few that would understand the why of the toil because he’s enjoying the fruits of his toil. anyway, i was suppose to write something else entirely tonight but got side tracked by the random email of paths crossing. i was enjoying the experience of butterfly in my stomach earlier tonight when i was chatting up with this recent acquantance. i wouldn’t go as far as to say that i fancy her but there was enough nervous energy for me to make bad sexual inneuneduo jokes in an almost asian style charming kind of way. the kind of charm that kung fu superstars have when they speak in broken english about how deep of a love they have for a person without ever admiting it until they’re fighting a posion that is going to kill them internally and the object of the love is close at hand. i was pondering when the last time i felt this sense of nervous energy because even though i see gorgeous women all the time, most of the time i don’t react much to their energy level. anyway, in some regard it’s pretty pathetic that i am actually writing about this because i am sure most guys would have her phone number in hand along with 3 other numbers from last night. luckily, i had a reaffirmation conversation a last night with a friend struggling with the same painful tension between people that can simply fuck and people that must love.
so if i am of the latter, than why have i lost the motivation to pursue such matters. in short, i have wholly and selfishly love and it was a enough for me. maybe it’s rationalization but i am a strong believer in the quote that suggests any feeling fully and presently experience is a complete experience. for repeated experiences will more likely simply dilute that initial experience. when you consider the first time you did something great like make love or do some cool drug, that experience is something you never forget, whether it was great or painful. which reminds me again on why i have become even more unreasonable in some things of late. failure is to not take that risk. to not act on the faith of foresight. naturally, foresight can be premature as has already been shown in the burst of many dot coms. are we condemned to repeat such unreasonable foresight? or will the synchronicity of the past, present and future present an wonderful opportunity in this lifetime to forge a gold standard in continuous expression fo the infinite soul. the fogginess of the path begins to lighten as i take pause to inventory the authenticity of my experience.