the wonderful show that is six feet under gets under my skin again. in a good way of course because somehow it seems too fimilar with my own life. i seem to be able to identitify with all the characters on some level. it’s the sort of metaphysical humor that particularly jingles my tinkerbells. in particular, tonight’s episode in reference to ‘the plan’ education workshop that the mother takes and she seemingly becomes quite more empowered by the workshop. of course the joke is that none of her kids appreciate her empowerment and she is left frustrated. in some respects, i already apprecaite her frustration on a level because try as one may after these sort of life affirming experiences (be it personal development education, meditation retreat or a near death experience), the best one can do is to ‘convince’ someone to experience it for themselves. here lies the irony of the experience because the more one is excited and persuavasive about the experience, the less people want to believe in it. there seems to be unspoken fear, that the cult of group thearpy will destory the individual in such a way that we become mindless devouted follower. i’ve experience both sides of that coin and i would have to suggest that those that fear those kind of experienences mostly fear the weakness of their own conviction. if there is value in these experiences, you learn to incorporate it into your own system of belief. whereas if you never had a system of belief to began with, there is a loud swoosh sound when one encounters one of these types of experiences. maybe i am oversimplying the matter but when i see people’s reactions to something like ‘landmark’, i find it unfortunate that they fear it for the wrong reasons. certainly, i find it quite very improable that anyone of my age group are so wise as to beyond any more experiences/education. i dare say this before i am about to embark on this shared experience tomorrow because i’ve been on this road before and every time, i learn something new about myself. and really, that’s what it all about. if you understand yourself (“design patterns”), then you can begin to address the patterns before the patterns control you.
but the point of this particular exercise right now is i had a wonderful epithany in the shower. as i am thinking about the purging of my material possesions, the lack of financial resources and the simple lack of time, i realize that i am beginning to recognize the precious of less. every moment has become so more precious because there is so much effort left to recognize the potential of my own path. that is about as precise as i can put it; this sense of urgency that find myself in. a nd in the usual spiritual paradox, in nothingness there begins the potential for the ulimate _________. exactly.