it was never intention to become a therapist of sorts. but when a friend asks you – ‘why don’t you like me as much your other friend that you travel with all the time, why am i a second tier friend’ – i had to redirect the inquiry to the heart of the matter. of course i could have explained all these things but that’s part of the issue. i believe that when someone does enough self inquiry, they can come to an understanding of not only themselve but how others react to that self. anyway, i was almost dreading this night because there was going to be some tough things that were going to be said. actually, the real multipler tonight was my friend’s ex was in this dialogue and it was interesting to hear her perspective. usually, it’s a little one sided when relationships go sour but it was a good opportunity to hear both sides of the issue.

it would seem the root of the matter is in grained in a dynamic of personalities at play. at this stage in our life, most people are not willing nor unable to change the systems of patterns that control their actions and thoughts. it takes a lot of work and awareness to defuse and transform these patterns. from that meta level, love is insufficient in itself to overcome such dynamics. each respective party needs ‘down’ time to work on those dynamic if they should feel that they have found the ‘perfect’ partner but they recognize that they are imperfect in themselve. the counter arguement would be such that you can work with these issues within the relationship and it’s perfectly reasonable expectation but it assumes that dynamic isn’t already part of the problem. if it’s already part of the problem to work within that framework would make it a potentially greater problem. i think it’s part of that line of thought that communication alone is inadequate to solve the level of complexitity of the dynamic.

needless to say, i had to put my two cents in the dialogue because although i can support my friend emotionally, i can’t vouch for his position intellectually. i can respect that each person can have their own perspective and path on life but when these positions manifest in a heated dialogue on the nature of relationships and life, i can’t not help but feel superior about my position. it’s not the intented purpose of the position to be superior but i think it’s the seem sense of superiority that college educated people coasters feel when they refer to middle america. it’s also not worth discussing with those with with the lower point of view because it will invariable lead to frustration. you can’t so much elevate people’s point of view without invalidating a part of them. which is entirely possible if they’re willing to start with the basic premise that my view needs a lot of work. but most people don’t start at that premise, so it becomes an awkward conversation when you ‘have’ to discuss such matters during those light night drunken stupor conversations. so, i don’t know how much damage i did last night from whatever level these conversations work at best, i hope that the conversation is taken at a level of painful but positive deconstructions.