_the fall of desire
i am not one to think too much about the ladies because i don’t have the time or energy. but i must admit i am pretty stymied by the honey that works at yoga tree on monday when i make it a weekly commitment to see her for 1 min. it’s enough to keep me coming back every week and as soon as i leave the joint, i am trying to deny that i have any desire for her. i mean normally she stunnig but today she had this cute hat on and i am like okay, i should just go home because i can’t do yoga now. i actually even thought about taking a photo of her but then i feel like that takes away from it all. in some way, i feel the same about talking and getting to know her. sometimes i wonder if i am just afraid of her, which may be true for desire should be feared until it becomes empty. but i don’t think th anwser is as easy as that i am afraid – i know i can use that to force myself into action. it’s not that, it’s something deeper. maybe it’s better that she is this untouchable ideal that makes me go to yoga and gives me this wonderful test that can blow away my mind state. it’s this tension between desire and the very fabric of the teaching that makes this a worthy exercise.
i tell myself that it’s just transisorty, just like all of my other random thoughts and feelings so let’s not get too attach to it. it’s acutally a very good test for me. to see how long i can withstand this onslaught of desire. but i think i am one of those suckers where when the going gets tougher and more resolute i become. it’s all a mental exercise, sort of like fasting for 10 days. i question becomes if the desire is ‘repressed’ and it may erupt at some later point. i think that is one of the main pillars of the path is to break down these desires to a level that it can’t ‘erupt’ at some later point.
i’ve been continuing my study on all that is tibetan buddhism. currently on the plate is a commentary on ngordo and another on dream yoga. both very short but extremely interesting stuff. very direct what needs to be done to achieve the human potential. ngordo is something i must take on at some point soon as it’s the fundmental practice before one is introduce to the juicy bits of the path. unfortunately, i’ve already been introduced to the juicy bit but i know i still need a lot of practice on the fundmental level. i’ve decided to pick up the dream yoga book to gain insight into my weird ass semi lucid dreams. the cool thing about the practice is that you can actually practice awareness in your dream state so you’re not wasting time just sleeping. this particular practice is great for all those busy bodies out there so it remains to be seen if i can actually do any of these seemingly easy exercises.
i’ve been meaning about to write about the elections and why i don’t particularly care that much that kerry didn’t win. people say that how can 55 millons be so dumb and they’re sadden by it. in my mind, i think the level of ignorance that i see very day, even in this liberal educated part of the world, is so beyond the 55 million people that voted for bush. i am beginning to apprecaite why the buddha also didn’t teach when he woke up. but then it’s all part of it i guess – the opportunity to practice endless compassion. it’s such a huge aspiration – the vow of the bodhisvatta. and it’s a very long and ardous path and i don’t have much time left. it’s actually been weighting me quite a bit, the precious of time and how little i have. i’ve defer much to play this extended game of monopoly but i know the time is near. the bomb will go off and i will do my pilmiage around mt kalish. there is much purication of karma that i must do and it’s start at the top of the world.