so since janurary, i’ve given the online dating thing a serious effort. it’s been an interesting experiment to say the least. on paper, it would seem like such an ‘easy’ thing given the you just just on your computer and filter out all the the stuff that don’t interest you and then you just go after the interesting one. but the sad reality is that i filter out 98% of the profiles and the ones i am interested in, i am part of that 98% that gets filter out. i read an interesting article on cnn, aptly about online dating and the gist of it was how much we actually filter out when we participate in this online dating experience. after some minor thought, i wholly agree that i filter out more than i am open to. it would seem that having all these options to search for people based on your preferences has become a clutch for me. i think about it about my ex and if i was to find her profile online, i would have filter out on the get go. someone from another state with 3 kids. but having met her in person first, i didn’t automatically just filter out of the realm of possibility. so what’s the learning here? i think i am going to have a fairly low probability of meeting someone online. not to say that i am going to not entertain it but i have to give up the idea that is a plausible channel for me. everyone is all talking about ‘chemistry’ and for me, how matter how well written my bio is, i will probably fall short on chemistry from the get go. it’s not one of my forte. my walls are too high. it takes time to see through my bullshit. so i am going to pretend to write an online ad not design to toot my own horn (which invariably it still does) but to just express who i am. if someone gets it, then it’s worth some coffee i guess.
how many times have you read an online bio and say to yourself, well, that that sounds mighty interesting. you meet them and how long does it take for them to fall short of your expectation. or how many times have we filter out someone because they are not the body type, height, or have a terrible picture? such is gambit of online dating and i say, fuck that. fight the natural reaction to filter out and beholden to the concept of an ideal mate because we can search by all these different parameters. i know that i am not beyond these inclinations but i have grown weary of my own behavior.
in the good ‘old’ days, when we were open to more possibilities, courtship was sparked by chemistry and although i see the word be thrown around quite a bit, i ask myself, if we filter out 98% of what we see, then what is the point of chemistry. so, i can and will write about myself but part of me laugh as i am writing my bio. i can write about my success, the places i’ve travel, my liberal polictical views, my love for the great outdoors, my affair with great food and my aspiration to be like the dalai lama but it doesn’t seem to carry much weight. at the end of the day, my below average height of a manhood and my boyish looks will be more of a factor that all those interesting things. and the reality is if you were to meet me a party, i wouldn’t impress you either. i am like single malt scotish whisky, usually evoking a slightly uncomfortable reaction but after a few open minded experiences, a grudging appreciation. i understand that most people have little patience for such nuance given the amount of lovely fishes in the sea. and to all the beautiful people out there that are amazing in their own right but finding themselves without a partner, it’s not about lowering your standards. it’s about being open to loving less than the perfection that is in our mind.
and now to the regularly schedule online bio.
how do you portray yourself as well rounded swell kind of guy without sounding like you go to church? or what about the bad boy past tainted with psychedelic experiences without being pigeon holed into some scary category. in short, there is more than meets the eye. nowadays, i can describe myself as a grounded man (i have sowed my oats) but still look forward to travelling to exotic places with my lover. how can i explain that even though i am single dad with a 3 year old daughter, i want to go to burning man as a family.