when i realized that i almost lost over 10 years of frivolous writing on the blog, i panic for a few days. i didn’t think much of my blog until the possibly of it all being lost remind me that some day, i may find great amusement from reading all this unstructured mess. considering, there were only about 800 something posts in 13 years, it’s not that many but it wasn’t insignificant either. so i’ve decided that i am going to make a more concerted effort to write more this year. i dare not publicize most […]

was going to write in wordpress but more technical problems, so reverting back to this draft in. yes, there is something nice about not have any distractions. i was looking at photos tonight again of uma. it still amazes me how fast she is growing. i was looking at some photos/videos from her first day at daycare and how she is now. there is no doubt i am repainting my childhood through her. i am sure my mom/dad did a lot of things with me when i was a toddler, considering my brother wasn’t in the picture […]

dec 18th
should be asleep but wasted the past hour browsing stupid dating websites. the physical practice is going well with yoga and running and biking but mentally, i still have a few bad habits that i still working on. i am keeping the faith that the mediation will do it’s thing as long as i keep it mostly consistent. it has been consistent more or less but there is still a desire to take it deeper. always deeper. my mind still keeps clinging into the future more often then i would like. for example, nowadays, it’s like, […]

it used to be that i couldn’t remember much of my past. it’s a very vague and foggy notion that floats in my head that serves as my memory. but now, in the past 10 years, i have a about 6000 photographic indexes of my life. trigger points that bring back those moments tat i had long lost. for some reason, with my collection of images, i feel like my life has been so much richer but i wonder how much of that is in my head. but i mustn’t discount that the past 5 years has […]