sometimes it’s hard to imagaine that i do anything else but live and breathe that is the all consuming big O. like if i was given ‘free’ time i would comment on how boring and unchallenging it was and would demand my money back. i am aware that it has extreme levels of over attention but part of me do just want to push it to where does one really implode from over focused activity. if it wasn’t for yoga, i have a feeling that i would have trip up on the concept awhile ago. i remember my trip to paris caused a temporary stoppage to the overworkage but i am steadfast on track to losing all friends and acquiances. i feels that way abit because now, people don’t even bother asking me if i am busy, they just leave me alone to wallow in my own vices. and so the downward spiral accelrates to an unmonitored phenomoen.
luckily, i spoke to the lord yesterday and he reminded me why i must do my ‘time’ for a little while longer. he’s taking a break from the his walkabout before returning to india for an extensive stay. we joked about how long we can do head stands and of course, he’s made considerable progress since we last talked. it’s always so refreshing to talk to him. we get straight to the good shit and don’t waste time on the details.
supposedly, in another couple of weeks, after ‘the launch’ i am to reclaim my life as a member of society. i suspect that isn’t going to happen until the business is ‘out of danger’. always another hurdle there is and always the carrot gets juicier. it’s nights of exhaustion like this that leaves me desiring something else, but i know that since this feeling is so transitionary, i can’t give much credance to it. i say fuck it little weak guy. do something with your life.
and so i found out that another buddy took the landmark forum recently. it slightly surprise me that he did but it sounded that he got something meaningful out of it. it’s always good to hear the start of the exploration and destruction of one’s perception. it’s an exciting time when you realize how empowered you’re to change yourself and the world. ah, i miss that feeling but it’s not so removed that i am foreign to it’s nagging presence. i entertain the idea of taking the course myself so that i can have a point of reference but i suspect i wouldn’t bother with the advance classes.