i took a little trip out to stockton on the weekend to join my creative conspirator in his alternate life. as in life in suburbia with a wife and adorable daughter. it’s been quite over a year since i last visit his adobe and now the garden has fully grown and his daughter speaks in 3/4 sentences. i got to partake in some sun on a funny little island called the delta yacht club. i love how rich people like to make them selve feel exlusive so that don’t have to deal with the mass that is the have nots. it is what is and i shall enjoy it as i enjoy all the wealth that america has offered me. anyway,
it took a little while before his daughter took a little liking to my presence and it remained me of my days back in philly where i can just hang with the kids and not to deal with grown up issues. it’s all to easy to get caught up in the big issues and not enjoy the simplicity of the now and that is precisely why i love hanging out with kids. there is no pretense of small talk because it’s all small talk. and so it got me wondering, why wouldn’t i not want to be a dad and enjoy that process? rationalization aside, i know that if i were to become a sugar daddy, those little critters would reenforce concepts that have lost considerable ground within my metaphysical trajectory. the question becomes when does rationalization mature to experienterial conviction? certainly, being around woman of my age and witnessing all these love ceremonies is not helping my desire to procreate by any stretch. when i contextualize these thoughts into my long term belief system, the concept of kids have no chance whatsoever. if i was to give the concept any serious thought, it require such a convergence of serepreditious cirstumances that it would be hard to phathom considering the chain of events that have lead me to a life of very deliberate committment and focus. as challenaging it has been in the past years, it’s an experience that has no parallel and in success or failure, the impact of such an experience has seep deeply into my mind and soul. as a matter of fact, i think much of the experience has been child’s play when i think what lays ahead in the darkness of my ego. alas, i will not go there tonight but progdanada aside, i find it hard not to laugh at how small i am still thinking. since nyc, i keep telling myself to think bigger and to dream louder. when you begin to believe in your ability, the only limit is your ability to dream. and so it is with that thought that i entertain the possiblity of the woman, the child , the art, the business, the spirit and the world. what destorys the dreamer is dreadful feeling that he’s done it already and the next level is not to do it again (better) but expand the definition of being a sugar daddy.