out of the blue, maybe only because she recently received her package of goods, my former playmate emails me in a rather reconcilartory tone of voice. naturally, i am receptive to such dialogue but knowing that it just bring up forgotten memories and a rather lacking present state of being. it’s been over 18 months so i know there is little emotional attachment left to such memories but conceptually it still intgruies me to no end. i can’t say i was so naive to think that she was the one but god damn, she got closer than most. i wrote quite an inspiring email to her by which i was also suprise that i still had it in me to express such thoughts. and so i only allow myself to spend more cycles on these matters so i can come to an experitial understanding on the nature of such desire. to understand the desire of woman is to understand the desire of everything. in truth, the conceptual transcedence of the desire has already pased into advance states but the experitial understanding lacks the conviction of undenible failure in faith in such matters. which remainds me of a particular memory of a conversation with a friend that requested that i speed the entire process up a bit so that i can finally get over it. my hair is long now and my vanity is twice as glorious.
