And so I experience the classic tensions of the remorsefully aware. while I am partially watching maxin’s 100 hottest women and in the other attention span, I am reading the dalai lama’s autobiography, “my land, my people”. All while I am enjoying the company of my fag hag art pal and the likes of johnnie walker red label on lukewarm club soda. And so I understand the inherent tension that destroys the likes of Jackson Pollack while I enjoy his craft at the new york museum of modern art. For once, I understood full the experience of the painter as he subconsciously illustrates the fine balance of control and raging spontaneity. Certainly, I can suppose to walk that fine balance as I am unskill in the ways of the arts and less wise in the ways of logical and emotional synergy
Regardless of skilllessness, I quite enjoy my fast from the routines of noncommittal endeavors. Whether it be the rejection of the alien like bjork wanna be gothic love bird or the grace sublime humor of german inspired goddess, I rejoice in the emptiness of accomplishments and art induced debauchery. No doubt in these brief periods in which I take a deep breath from the act of doing and indulge in the experience of inspiration without inhibition that will spit in my spiritual development. And so as I learn more about the history of artistic expression, I am more inclined to the worship the likes of joseph beuys and alberto gaciellmantic and man ray. They represent a synthesis of artistic, spiritual and experiential expression that ushers them into the upper echaleanons human development. Naturally, I am quite lacking in the ways of abstraction expression with grudgingly interest I educate myself in the ways of the former masters. No doubt at this point in my life, I have come to grotesque juncture by which I am simply overwhelmed by the scope of my playing field. At some point, I dream of a convergence on these grand endeavors. Mostly, I feel like unworthy to pursue these matters on the depths worthy of the subject matter. There is too much for me to love and to return the gradiudate of those inspirtaions. Whether it be the sublimeness of musical geek god or the mundane comical expressions of my ‘special’ buddy, I am at a disgustingly interesting time in my life. One thing that is quite evidenent is the destruction on the basic tenet of sexual relationships and the recupercussions of such intimated engagements. Nonetheless, I entertain the fantasy of the ultimate expression of the woman kind. She embodies all that I worship, love and fear, all in one. It is quite wonderful to experience the company of such woman because for a little while I am open to the possibly that you can have your cake and eat it too. I look forward to the day that the glory of the human race can govern the weakness that has been mankind.