what is best

how do you know when someone is your best friend or if she is the one. to me it seems like the same type of question. it’s a very difficult question for me. not that it matters that there needs to be a best in the one in the ultimate reality. but in a conventional sense, it seems that one is confronted with these types of silly questions. i guess i am dealing with in quardary because i had to say some wonderful things of my friend of over 10 years. 10 years is only a significant time because i’ve never maintain a relationship of meaningfulness with another previous to my first roommate in college.

as i was remenising back to my college days, i can’t help but feel a sense of small pleasure. of all the interesting things i’ve done and not. more often of the things i have done because i am wondering what have i regret in not doing. i was IMing with another old friend that had move to stockon with his wife and kid and he was telling me about the things he regretted not doing. and certainly we agreed that it was the greater of a burden in not doing something. no doubt, that sense of fear not doing something has played a factor my my decision to marry my lady friend. it is probably the biggest risk i’ve taken in my life and i actually feel goood about it. much along the same way i feel abour orange. although it’s been a diffcult beginning with orange and my lady friend, i have a lot of faith in the fact that it will work out in the end. maybe i am being too optimistic. nonetheless, it’s the optimistism that keeps me on my toes.

anyway, i was thinking a lot about my lady friend tonight at club fake. my thoughts were so corny because it reminded me of that freaking movie, jerry maguire. i kept thinking about how much my lady friend balance my perspective out and how she inspires me to be a better person. given all the “harshisp’ she has put me through, i invariably think of her a very positive light. it would also be foolish for me to say that she “completes” me but on on some metaphysical level, i feel like she does compliment me in a very befittig fashion.

my thoughts are as scatter has the amount of alcholic beverages i had tonight. regardless, there is a sense of raw truth that i deal with whenever i am under the influence of substances. my hibitions are easily dismantle so i feel that wheneve i express myself under these states of being that it is closer to the truth than my “normal” states. in the admittance of my passion for my lady friend and my long time friend, i’ve allow myself to realize the value of something greater than my non self. i am not sure where that line of thought would lead to but i am confidence that i will feel this kind of love when i wake up tomorrow morning. not that i will admit to so much in the morning but god damit my friends and lover mean so much more than i will ever admit because i had refuse to admit the significance of my family to own existence. sometimes i do live in denied and i hope my close friends know that.

_it says it all

_being surprised that he’s turning 30