and so i stated that i studied economics in college but really what did i learn at my last days of so call formal education. i already knew that the sort of education i was getting was pointless beyond the confines of conversations and reference checks. i suspect i would have no use for the degree but really what i do realize that now that the degree in economics did reflect thought process. i usually joke to people that i only reason that i majored in economics was that i couldn’t be bother to try hard enough until business school. well, let failures be opportunities of finding yourself again. in all seriousness, i think the inquiries into the self as evident by numerous consumption of books on taoism and ann rynd. i even recall the moment when i was reading an introduction into one of ann rynd’s book and she talks about the significance of philolosphy in one’s life. for the western mind philolophy was a map into the unknown essence of human nature. to understand the self is to control the self. so begins a long journey into the question why i am not content with life. fast forward 10 years. and now i am only beginning to uncover the level of my ignorance and have actually taken steps towards curing the disease of the mind. what grand and harsh words i use but more and more i feel that the illusions are so elaborate and grand. and so to use words less than supersized versions would not convey the gravity of the situtation i find myself in.


and now i understand the nature of the shamans. why there are gateways into the self through unskilled methods. nonetheless, one should use the opportunity to explore the river of raging thoughts. of running sentences and broken words. the digression goes far and deep but the main course is only blink away.

and so i am studying the tibeten book of living and dying again. i had read it previously before but i thought i take the discussion outside of my mind. the format of the class was a bit comical at first but then i at long last i only laughed at my own expectations. i didn’t pay for the registration of the class because i didn’t want to commit to it before get a taste of the class. i think within 10 seconds i knew it be worth so much more than the measly $100. why did i think i was going to be worth sticking around? oh very simple. after i open my eyes from the brief meditiation, i was treated to the essence of my greatest weakness and strength. the opposite sex. welcome back to the cycle of suffering.