i can’t make anything
of why the brightest light fades
or how you slept a sleepless slumber
and through the rhythm of the timeless season
and you are the dark on my soul
and it’s your love that i steal
and you’re my cuts that won’t close
and this i’m certain
and this i’m certain
and this i’m certain
i don’t see anything
through all your worries
and the worst in people
and you’re the builder of your own high temple
and that’s the magic of your mind
and you’re the reason that i’m down
but you’re the promise that i found
and you’re all that i got
who’s the meanest
and who’s a genius
and who’s mine
and from the bed you lay and wonder
and from the morning come like thunder
it’s the downfall of your time
and you’re the dark of our home
but still the home that i feel won’t let up
or let go
and this i’m certain
and this i’m certain

-red house painters

too much cable TV got me down. it was sorta a one two punch. silly love movies and then silly love songs like this. i try too hard to let her go without really feeling the lost. i recall reading a passage that touch me recently. it was about the dalai lama and how he even felt the lost of a love one. so the story goes that one of his elder disciples requested the dalai lama to teach him a particularly difficult sutra and he denied the monk’s request because he didn’t think the monk had the health require to learn the teaching. but then the monk commits sucicide and the dalai lama is greatly sadden to hear his dear friend had taken his life so that he can be reborn in order to learn the sutra. even though the dalai lama knows that the monk will be reborn and that it’s all part of the natural cycle. his grief is no less real. i think that’s the most difficult part of the path. even as the wisdom and heart expands through the pracitice, it seems inevitable that one feels great saddness as the wings of freedom are spread. if i had to charactize myself by two most notable traits, i think it would be my ablity to laugh and be sad. i don’t know where that came from but i think i need to meditate before i go crazy.