i am suppose to write a statement of intent as part of my vision quest participation and there have been some themes floating around in my head. for now, the most obvious theme is about being in relationship and my struggle around if i really want it or not. with all failed attempts these past years, i am really tired of the concept. i compared my state of being in my early thirties when i was in similar situation and working alot because i didn’t have much else to do. now, i feel my life is much […]

drive less and stay longer in places. go on longer trips and take less weekend trips. i’ve taken quite a few number trips in the RV since i got it in june. i must say that the pace i am taking it out is not really sustainable in terms of mileage for sure. far too much driving not not enough exploring. always feeling like i am going to the next destination. probably not unlike my life. always looking forward to the next milestone as oppose to being present in the current state of being. yeah, that needs […]

i remember getting my first mountain bike back in 98. and for the next 5 years, i had found my calling on the recreational front and the fun was epic. to be honest, it wasn’t like we were hard core about it or anything but it was definitely something you look forward to scheduling it in on the weekend. a whole day’s schedule was built around that 5 hr window when you can can ride that bike in the trails. then the kids got old and married and that 5 hour activity with the boys got squeeze […]

i am grateful for all the blessings of material, physical and emotional well being that i am experiencing. yet, despite all these blessings, the black hole in my soul deepens as i experience more success in the relative world. the golden handcuffs of well being tightens as i half ass my spiritual journey just enough to feed my ego. i yearn from some great suffering to reset my perspective but that’s just wishful thinking. i am by no means lost but definitely stuck. not willing to pry myself from the addiction of habitual tendencies. who can i […]