enjoying a weekend at sierra hot springs by myself and taking the the chance to get more clarity on things. granted, even these solo therapeutic solo adventures are filled with things to do. it’s quite easy for us humans to fill out days with busyness and i think back about my time in the desert on the vision quest. it was definitely one of the few times in my life where i had to face the darkness and pain of my soul and wasn’t constantly distracted by activities. to be honest, i didn’t even do a very […]

probably one of my least favorite subjects to think about. in my teenage years i blame them for the bulk of the misery i felt. in my twenties, the fruition of abandonment came to being but i wasn’t too angry about it. it continued to perpetuate into my thirties and only during my marriage ceremony with neither of them there did the loss come to physical form. and then i visited the lost child during my vision quest and i know there is still work to be done in this area. i think about my original contract, […]

i am really feeling the landscape of my island these days. even though my vision quest had shone a spotlight in this glaring part of my life, i am still feeling pretty stuck in my habitual patterns of being not particularly social. i am using my fatherhood/work is very challenging excuse to have a very low dosage of social interactions and there are times that it becomes slightly embarrassing. of course, i’ve surround myself by mostly very busy/non family oriented people as well. undoubtedly, i don’t need a lot of friends. just a few good ones that […]

the past year and especially the last 6 months has been the most challenging for orange in a long time. i am sure the external forces has some bearing but i can’t help but feel the bulk of the failure. undoubtedly, this great failure while I am trying to take the business/myself to the next level has been a great learning experience. even though i feel like i am working smarter and focusing on the ‘right’ things, it’s still an awkward phase as i plant new seeds. it’s been a long time since i’ve felt so financially […]

in the past few months there has been a lightness that i have forgotten. there has been a notable shift internally and it feels really good and right. it’s easy to covet this feeling at a younger age but the sweetness in the the old age. like millionaires from the dot com days where you live the sweet life after 5 years of intensity and being at the right place. it’s actually nothing like that because the journey to this moment is filled with so many set backs. all those failures scar your being and then they […]