it’s hard to encapsulate the significant of the last several months in 15 mins or less. i am still quite amazed on so many levels. at the end of the day, it’s hard to express it all without getting all silly with big words; which invariably always fails to express anything but my inablity to express. furthermore, it seems much easier to express suffering as others seem more empathic. expressing joy either jinxs it or people will wonder what planet your on. the complication of the joy is further reason why i keep censoring myself. the issue doesn’t make me upset per say but it certainly tempers the emotions. i am on shuffle repeat mode now until the great breakdown. that may be a long time away when i consider the little break downs that we have worked through of late. little breakdowns are easier to manage emotionally and it seems to be getting easier.
i was watching dirty pretty things tonight and the emotional tenson between the main characters made me chuckle. it reminded me of the one thing that my high school wrestling coach impressed me with when he was chewing me out about something, ‘i wouldn’t bother to do this if i didn’t care about you’.