it’s unfortunate that i won’t be able to publish this entry until she breaks up with me, but maybe one day i will pull the trigger regardless. certainly, i think it’s rather funny that she is asking me about my ex, of which inspired this whole blog job. to be honest and yet reserve enough to preserve the privacy of the parties involved in a challenging task when i am sober. one of these one of these involved parties will quote something from these entries and i will just laugh at them. if they are going to quote anything, it should relate to trends in thought, not specific entries. mental notes does not constitutes a coherent theory of thought. i tried to selectively make entries private but technology is not being friendly to me at the moment. alas, the black hole of shall prevail until i am able to resolve the technological bullshit.

for the moment i know what i need to do with the complication but i lack the courage to do it immediately. in some respect, i am making it a bigger issue than what it may really be but that’s the nature of being a thinking son of a bitch. not that i have withheld me from expressing myself in other sphere of the bizarre love triangle. hoarry, i found an appropriate use for one of my favorite song titles. which reminds me, i need to make a compilation of my life with great song titles and even better music. that would definitely be a pretty damn challenging comp there. meanwhile, back on the emotional farm, i am trying to appreciate the format of this newfangled thing. it would be ironic that my last ended in this type of format but maybe the irony of life will work itself out. being forced to withdraw from the physical intimacy certainly has it advantages as one is really force to reckon on the the nature of the connection on a daily basis. it can be a powerful ingredient in creating a rather intellectually and spiritually driven relationship. which i must say, that in my short span of mating exercises, this endeavor is by far the most intellectually, sexually and spiritually interesting. throw in a couple additional layers of complexities and you have the seed for for what the council refers to as a rock star relationship. pun intended of course because i am a sick bastard have spent too time in the astral plane.

i approach close to the last quarter of my 33rd year, i reckon that this year will go down as downright pivotal. on the superficial level, it’s not quite apparent that it’s that particularly more interesting in than the yester years but for those that know are witness to the unforgiving silliness of my being. this year was yet another foundational year but i think the last layers of the foundation have been laid. the time of  the heavy and wide lifting has transpired and the time of concentration and depth approaches. this is my greatest strength and weakness, that i am aware of. a jack of many funny trades and a master of none of the good ones. luckily i embrace change like a david lynchian whore and make love to it like a 40 old virgin.