i was observing my behavior the other day after yoga class and i was trying to understand the nature of my subtle wryness towards group bondage. i as i watch my friend connect with other yogis after class, i observe my own lack of interest in reaching out into the community. it’s nothing entirely new to me because as far back as i can trace to my childhood days, i don’t think i ever felt comfortable being identified with any group. i was never smart enough to be on the hi q team nor was i ever Asian enough to endure racism. move forward into college and it’s all the same thing again. i would dabble in social groups such as college radio junkies or business clubs but all on a pretty marginal level. the story continues to this day as it relates to my career choice and spiritual inclinations. so at this point, the story has become so in grain that i don’t even think about the fact that i don’t make any marginal effort to be part of a community of like minded people. there’s quite a number of forces at play here but the end result is pretty much the same. sometimes i debate if i should make an honest effort to reverse this type of behavior but at the end of the debate, the inertia of patterns overwhelm any other active choices.
