sometimes i successfully deny that i have too much ‘work’ to do by taking vacations or throwing a party. but that state of denial comes crashing down all too quickly as i try to ‘catch’ up on so many different parts of the business. from the repetitive photo processing to the overdue credit statements, there’s a lot of grind that takes it toll on my style of working. if it hasn’t been evident enough, i tend to get bored by repetitive activities and the only saving grace is the perspective that it’s meditation in action. which is of course a bunch of empty talk at this point. undoubtedly in the past several months, i haven’t work as continous as i used to but the sense of being overwhelm by the unending tasks is always there. as much as i taken time off to participate in other parts of a normal life, i can’t help feel that this more reasonable and balance approach will simply prolong my tenure within this golden state. if nothing, the paradox of work hard and exit faster OR work balance but take longer is consistent of all my other internal paradoxical conflicts. some people would consider it as schziphina but i simply consider it as the natural tension between living in the relative yet aspiring to the absolute. undoubtedly, i have continue to intellectualize and rationalize my current state of being but at some threshold, those tools will cease to be effective. so the question becomes, how do i patiently live but realize the preciousness and shortness of life? ah, nothing like more paradoxes to ponder in my dreamless states. less than several weeks, there shall be another marker in my life that i would like to take major consideration. my last great declaration was at 30 and i still remember that declaration of not working for the ‘man’ moving forward in my life anymore. and so what’s the next level of me? do i declare greatness in the realm in the spirit, the art or the vehicle? ideally, all three but let’s not get too greedy.
