so i am not going to take it too seriously but it would seem that my health would fail me on a notable day such this. today i pull togeter my first fashion/conceptual photo shoot. the concept was definitely way above my skill but it would seem that is how i like to do things. it was apparent to me that although i may have the ‘technical’ know how (barely), i knew that it was just the beginning of yet another long ass road. even in the midst of my foggy state of mind, i joked that god didn’t really want me to continue along this line of creative expression and so he punished my body. he may not have do anythine with it but the god in my head sometimes wonder when i am going to stop dreaming and get down the nitty gitty details of self implosion. i was listening to a sex talk podcast by my favorite jewish woman and i couldn’t help but see my own flighty dreams in her water colored dreams. i hadn’t listen to her show in a while and although it’s not my favorite subject nor format, i can’t help but feel softer towards the whole thing. maybe it’s just my confusion about how i should feel about this woman because although i know it’s not about should, i also know that i should doing a lot of other things. beneath my superficial excuses about her, i know that what lies beneath will be a lot more intriguing if i don’t let shallow propensties to play itself out. but why i do resist her so much some would ask? the more the fight it, the more i am drawn into the fire of unexplainable emotional states. the end is near.
