i recently realized that an entire month went by and try as i might, i hadn’t written anything in the whole month of july. was any busier than the month before? not really, just the same level of silliness but maybe it was just being awestuck by all the changes around me. no doubt this wil be the biggest year of change for many of my closest peeps. two friends had babies, two friends broke up with their ladies and my brother decided that he was going to get married. i decided to fall in love with a concept and broke up with the concept in less than a week before we actually even went out. sometimes i feel like everyone else is slowly moving way past me while i am wallowing some quairmire of some supposed purpose. it forces me to dig deeper into why i’ve chosen this way of life. to find a conviction beyond habitual patterns.
speaking of, we (my business partners and I) decided to partake in the technology known as landmark forum and i am betting i will get at least three great points from it. if nothing, i can beat up my friends who have taken it with a common language of deconstruction. it was apparent enough to me within the first hour on the nature of their methodology but part of me understood that it was the experience of the knowledge was real value in such a forum. anyway, i will have much more to consider when i take it a few weeks from now.
august will be a nice month to catch up on life a bit. i am doing an mega trip to the wildness with my boys up north and i will probably hate them within the first 24 hours but i need it. the sun’s glorious warmth has not bless my pale scrawny face in many many months. i may return as man child 2.0 after the trip and i may want to move to new york city right away because i will have realized that my life is slipping away faster than i could imagaine. yet another close friend is moving there and i am left with keeping my empty talk about moving at some point. my talk is wearing thin with my integrity and i am beginning to really feel the weight of being mentally tired of the exercise. physically, i am feeling great because of all the yoga and exercise but mentally, my passion is wearing thinner every day. the weight of running a business is beginning to feel overbearing with almost no end in site. maybe i need a vacation or maybe i just need to let go of surviving. for now, successs is merely making it through the year. it’s not so much that i feel powerless or don’t know what to do but there’s just so many factors beyond my control. naturally, the moral of the story is to work with people that you can trust to let go of those things that i should delagate.
it’s only 130am and i am super tired and i haven’t medidate yet. i was suppose to tonight, that’s why i left the studio at 1am. and as i am walking back, i am thinking to myself – what a slacker. but it’s very hard to there alone at night and it’s been the case for many numerous nights of late. maybe if the part of me that would get excited about falling asleep next to a girl like this would make my life so much easier. but no, i want more or nothing.
