it’s becoming readily apparent that my time with MJ is drawing near or i really need a new supplier. my last 10 experiences with it has been a bit disappointing, although it could possibly be my state of mind that baises the experience. normally, when i am tense and stress, she takes the edge off and allows for a pleasant comical relief from the density of my high speed thinking. but of late, the experience is mostly a mildly depressant with distasteful energy sensations. there are moments of bits of a more glorious experience but the meta mind has to take over and deconstruct the feelings of negativity. although it’s a different type of work for the mind, it’s the kind of work that destorys serious levels of movivation in the post recovery process. alas, it used to be a nice escape from the tensity of a sober experience but it has become as tedious as soberity itself. so there is not much to do during these moments of befuddlement but to crawl in bed and fire up the notebook and deconstruct the process in a loving way.
