_i feel like that guy on the right.
i’ve put up a lot of excuses and mental protection to ward off the opposite sex. i am too busy and broke being my favorite too but secretly i rather just fall in love and have kids before i am 33. fuck these plans about escaping SF and going to NY and travelling the world. because nothing is more assured than making plans to do these things and then be sidetracked by a relationship. so, in hindsight, i should really plan on finding the one and having kids soon. that way, i can get a divorce and have a real excuse to do all those things that i had plan to do.
so, i got an unexpected surprised tonight. the ex from new zealand called, wondering when i was going to mail her the wedding album. i am a bit in shock to hear her call about this but i can’t really expect any other kind of call. i hadn’t spoken to her in over a year. it was a strange feeling because all of a sudden, all these past emotions rushed in my head and all i can tell her is that i’ve been too busy. i was good to hear her voice. that’s one of my favorite things about her. she had the darnest voice, just enough of any accent to throw me off. anyway, i guess i should really be getting around to packaging her shit and mailing it over. i was hoping to do it when i moved out of my current residence but that could be 2 years and 16 days from now but that could be too long for her.
meanwhile, i gotta get back on my present moment train. i don’t like the vibe that i am giving off to the other kids cuz it could be contagiously unhealthy. as the puppet master, i gotta keep my cool and perspective but ironically enough, that’s my whole point of contention. that these self created perceptions will limited us more than they free us from the true nature of all beings. i am beginning to sound like the monk but it’s all part of the game.