sometimes i wonder if it is really the culture of this city that makes it truly difficult to meet people or is it just really me. as a matter fact, i think it’s the combination of those two factors that lead me to give up for the time being. i still have a picture of her on by my bedside but when i look at it, i don’t feel pain or sadness. i just hope that she will be okay and that she will benefit from our short time together.
i think i need to start preparing for my departure from this city. i anticipate much transition in the next 18 months so i must be spiritually ready to hit the road. i remind committment to the task at hand with the company but i can’t continue to grind away on the computer after this year. i’ve lost some of the freedom from the earlier days when we didn’t have payroll and big ambitions.
i haven’t meditate in over two weeks. i’ve been feeling strange in the month since my cousin’s death. his death his effect me that much but at the same time, my emotionl supression process is working. i am definitely out of touch with my soul. it’s a numbing experience and only extreme yoga brings it home again. i am glad i’ve haven’t gotten bad that i would stop going to yoga. it’s the only thing keeping me sane now. i am feeling pretty good in class these days and my pracitice is slowly deeping with each class. i feel like i need to go on a retreat versus a vacation to france but maybe this trip will do me good. i need to be not so hardcore about my focus.
_this is how woman usually treat me.