‘These invented realities proffer a mystery that stands against the nauseating beige mish-mash of our rationalized era.’ -kc
i must have been sick in the head to agree to going to my former campus at 10am on a saturday morning to ‘study’. we all know what ‘studying’ on campus really means; so subconsciously i need reaffirmation of former life. my college days brings back mixed feelings of freedom and hardship, but i can’t remember much of the hardship now. still, i sometimes a wake from a nightmare that i never really graduated from college and it was all one big fantasy. anyway, my college memories isn’t really the point of all of this.
what it is really about is a convergence of friends in my life. out of a whim, i decided to throw a little labor day bbq and as i was putting together my list of invitees, i felt awkward placing all of my friends in the same room. most of my friends connect with me on different levels, some on mutliple levels but all of them know that i am asian (on the outside). the wonderful thing is that the depths of many of these relationships have grown considerably over the years. which is to be expected but once in a while, i run into new relationships that only takes weeks to reach depths of understanding that usually take years to come into fruition. my lady friend is a fine case and point because our connection transcend length of time. Gosh, to think that i would be willing to marry someone 5 years ago after knowing them for only about a year was unfathomable. Granted, it’s not so much as a life commitment kinda marriage nonetheless it borders on concepts that would have scared the shit out of me only a couple of years ago. Anyway, the most recent case and point is wiggyflowers.com. I shot her for the upcoming show i was doing and things just really gel in the 2 hours that i did the photo shoot. At first, i sorta brushed it off to being under the influence of MJ but now i know it isn’t the case. I am glad she had more intitution into the nature of relationships because i feel still feel pretty clueness about it all. I mean, i had to be told by my roommate that my lady friend was giving me signals the night we crossed the mexican border. I supposedly feel that i am able to read people on a finer level at this stage in deconstructionist path but i am glad it’s been proven that i don’t know jack shit yet. I am glad wiggy has been able to jolt my ego a bit because it’s been way too inflated as of late. Compliments on my called talents are spoken with honest intentions but it does cause great turmoil in system. I know that i simply just accept at face value and let it go, but there is a pending sensation that i need to take drastic matters to purify it.