i reconnected with one of my oldest and deepest friends from high school last week and i am simply amazed by the parallel lives that we have lived. our independence at a very young age has shaped us in most similar ways. sometimes i even wonder why we’re aren’t even soul mates but i think i know why. nonetheless, i am very much intigured by what lies a head for the both of us. different lives but very much the same path. i think it’s quite wonderful that we known each for quite a long time that we can enjoy the view of each other’s progress and struggles.
i remember one time in high school when we were both studying physics together late at night, we began to talk about life and our future. i don’t remember that nature of the diagolue, on a vauge feeling that a connection was made and a seed was planted. the basis of our bond during high school was that we were already so independent at time when most everyone else was still getting their diapers changed by their parents. i don’t think we made a big deal of it at that time because we wanted to be like everyone else but without a proper family and a even a place called home, we were outcasts in the world of high school drama.
all through college we kept in contact as we made our way through academic hula loops and extra currcuila adventures. funny enough was that i was at my academic peak at 11th grade and after that i pretty much maintain the front that academic scholarship was as important to me as making 1 billion bucks. i think i realize pretty earlier on that i only needed to graduated and that i wouldn’t go back to formal educdation after my days at berkeley. the but i digress, while i am pretending that i know something, my friend was actually excelling on levels much beyond me. although matters of academic statuses doesn’t really get me interested, i only note it because it is a point of major constrast between myself and her. while she is on her way to getting a phD in some hard core science, i am getting dumber by the minute. my academic ability has detoriated so much that it’s a great joke now. sometimes i don’t understand myself when i speak but sometimes i think subsciously i am choosing to be engimatic. to be not comprehendable in a convention way. anyway, i am letting my ego hitch on this ride and it’s turning out to be a history of myself instead of the relationship.
jump forward 5 years ago and we experience a major destructiive force in our relationship. what turn out as a courtsey to a friend moving to the city became one of the biggest fiascos in my career as a firend. i had quite a few of these major fiascos with a number of great friends but we have usually grown sexier and better friends for it. anyway, i had allow her to stay with me in my studio for a few weeks but she was under the impression that she could move in with me. anyway, it was a big mess and we have only begun to rebuild our friendship from that fiasco. i am glad neither of us really hold on to the past. which leads us to the present.
so in the prime of our life, we find ourselves on very similar paths again after diveraging pretty far from each other. her academic career has taken a back seat to her interest in energy work and self discovery. my interest lies very much along the same line but our methodology are quite different. while she is quite knowledge in many of the varioius forms of philolosphies and holistic treatments to the mind and body, my is quite more narrow. it has been steadily more focused in the past 5 years as i learnt about all the various traditions and techniques of the path. only recently have i had my moment of ‘ah ha’ and have begin to feel more confident on the path by which i will prostrate. i feel that is of most vital prudence that in this age that because we are given so many choices, that is precisely why we must be able to choose one when the time comes. so naturally, i have followed my own advice and feel quite opinionated about it. certainly, it’s more fun when i can give my ego a quick elbow in the eye when it gets out of hand. anyway, like i was saying, we find ourselves looking at the same shore but the raft by each we shall cross to that shore will be built with different materials. i know that it’s not about what is the right way or wrong way to build a raft but the relevant question is which is more skillful. i like the word skillful because it doesn’t imply right or wrong as much as evolution. nonetheless, the word is quite dangerous because of the implicit overture of the ego. it’s much too early to tell how we will fare in our quest of for awakening given the methods that we’re only really just discovering but i am looking forward to our next meeting. i am quite confident that we will know each other many many years from now and we be witnesses upon each other. that is something very precious to me. long time friends. it seems that most of us out grown many of our friendships as we fully become ourselves in midlife and settle into the freindships that we find at mid life. ironically, i don’t quite feel that i am at that point yet in my life. iam still shedding away outdated concepts of myself and the next set of friends will not know the self of the twentysomething. but luckily there will be friends that have known me since my teens and will continue to know of me. really, how we they know me if i don’t know myself said one great songwriter.
in the past several weeks i’ve had many DMs as my fairy princess refers to it. Deep Meaningfuls would be the lay translation. most of the conversations have been around the practice of art/creativity in the context of a commerce based life. the tension is unbearable at times for many artists and although i’ve had never considered myself an artist in the conventional sense of way, i have come to some realization that i may be more of an ‘artist’ than many of those that live it as a career. nonetheless, the categorization is really irrelvation to me because the point of the issue is that what doesn’t a person that is ‘artist’ tries to do through their art. the obvious is to communicate the sublime non conventional beauty that surrounds us all. beauty may not be the right word but it doesn’t really matter either. actually, i think the difference between an artist and non artist is by which the intention the artist chooses to communicate. in other words, art is not accidental. which seems like such a irrelvant point but on the most basic level the conscious choice to express (rather just consume as most non artist do) is sufficient in itself. naturally, the evolution of the expression becomes more refine along the way but the turning point in one’s life as an artist is when we make that conscious choice.
anyway, i beginning to get bored with myself and all this mental farting. although it feels good to fart, it becomes tiresome when you don’t like the smell of it anymore.