i suffering from communication withdraw from my lady friend down under. it’s been a full 20 hrs since we last spoke/email/IMs. on some level, it’s great that we can be so connected with minimal cost. but on another level, i think the use of technology as a basis of an intitimate relationship is very much reflective in the sad state of human evolution. i am not going to argue that technology is bad or anything along those lines and i am sure there are plenty of luddiates that will agree with me but the gist of my gripe is on a more personal level. i’ve grown up in the connected/digital world but ironically, i feel like the ability to connect with so many devices have left me more of an observer than a participant in life. just as i gripe that i don’t like to watch sports, technology has made communciation easier to many people but for me it hasn’t made me feel more connected to people. i think i am only beginning to realize this state of being through my active attempts of ‘direct experience’. the way i look at it now, is that technology is yet another layer just like vocal communication is a layer between a direct experience. in such as much, the more layers there are the farther away we are from the direct experience of life. i am obviously oversimplying but it would be useless for me to expound more misspellings.

so, i wonder at times how long we can last in this multiple layer relationship dynamic. utilimately, it is a test of patience and it’s definitely a very tough test for my lady friend. i am pretty sure i can ride it out for a pretty long time because there have been plenty of time in my life where i was happily wallowing in my bachelorhood. certainly, it’s more difficult this time around with the carrot tangling in front of me, but i think between ego deconstruction activities and my ego reconstuction fanasties, i think i can fairly sustain a stable state of being. my concern is more on the other side of the ocean, where a year may be simply too long for her. from desire comes expectations. from expectations attachment arises. when attachment arises, suffering is immiment. as much as i strongly desire for us to be together, i know too clearly that i can’t expect it to happen anytime soon or be attach to the fact that we aren’t together. some would say, then you don’t love her because you’re not suffering. well, if the the level of suffering is a mutliper in the game of love, then i better throw in the towel now.