i am staying with one of my oldest college buddies in austin these past several days. we’ve had a wonderful time catching up and talking about the bigger questions that the mid life crisis brings about. he just joined the fatherhood club and i am sure he is going to be an awesome dad. i told him of my own insecurities about being a father since i’ve had just poor role models and having severed from a marriage so early in my daughter’s life. i am sure it’s all going to be fine in the long run but i can’t help but have once in a while battles about insecurity about being a good dad/boss and human being! i definitely think the insecurity is pervasive, although i do have less doubts about being a ‘good’ boss. it’s always a work in progress but generally i know i am asking the right questions and cultivating the appropriate actions. meanwhile, i am thinking time to reflect on the evolution of our friendship.
it seem almost manifest destiny that the first person i met in California became one of my closest friends. as matter of fact, two of my closest friends are from my college days. such fond memories of those years. i don’t know of anyone as honest and good nature as ryan. authentic to the core and consistent almost to a fault! we’ve shared many wonderful experiences in our college days over music and the nature of our relationship plateau for a long time post college. both of us busily finding our path in the career world and only in the past several years has the friendship been rekindle due to the intensity of our affairs of the heart and now affairs of fatherhood. i truly wish he hadn’t moved away from the bay area as i could have imagine a very rich experience between ourselves and our daughters. it’s one of my sorest emotional hole at the moment. not being able to share the trials and tribulations of parenthood with friends and my extended family. part of me wants to ‘fix’ the but another part of me is urging myself to be more comfortable with being a single dad for a long time.