have slowly been going into a tail spin of self deception. it’s a paradoxically interesting situation because even though i feel mentally and physically healthfully, i suspect source comes from my spiritual darkness. in the past year, i have risen to a level of excess of materialism. although i am not rich by bay area standards, i know that i am living in much abundance. i may not live in big house or try a fancy car but my attitude of money is what concerns me. i like personal clarity on the course of direction in my […]

i was reading a bit from anam thubuten’s the magic of awareness on a flight today and it was helpful in reminding me the work that i still needed to do. dispite my spiritual progress on a number of fronts, my practice is still largely based on my own egotic movivations. although not necessary a full blown case of spiritual materialism, i know there is work that needs to happen to go beyond this particular stage. i think the awareness of the issue is a start and i suspect the andidote is just more medidation and ‘purification’. […]

it’s been a very long time since i read fiction but i finally got into markumai’s Q184. my reading pace hasn’t been really been intense as i usually have too much to do but it’s still holding my attention after being half way through the book. i must say i really miss reading a book for the sake/enjoyment of the narrative as oppose to learning things/getting inspired by most of the books that i have digested in the past 10 years. i doubt that reading fiction will be a habit of any sorts but for the time […]

i had dinner with a child hood friend the other night and he asked me if i would continue to work on orange for the rest of my life. i paused for a sec and said that i had question it a few years ago but now i am more or less set on it. to be honest, i wish i was that confident about it. on nights like this after surfing on the internet too much and see other photographer’s/artist body of work, i feel like i’ve been in the closet for the past 15 years. […]

one night i took a picture of uma while she was asleep. unbeknownst to me, she did the same.