my lover told me that there was death in my tarot cards this year and as the year unfolds, i am living out the death of many tired concepts of myself. for the most part, there is a great sense of relief from all the destruction of my former ways. the most notable changes have come within the once all consuming endeavor known as orange photography. gone is orange exposure, gone is engineering, gone is my desire to make it more than what is now. i am still in the midst of the transformation but the weight of trying t do everything has ease to such a degree that i entertain the of more fantastic possibilities.
in less than 2 weeks, i will have live with my lover for over 6 months, which will effectively be a new record, and i become a quasi parent of sorts. it’s naturally exciting and scary at the same time and i hope i can become some decent role model and bring an end to my egoisic tendencies to just always think about myself first. that will be the more interesting death.
i was reading my text messages from a year ago and the kids were coming to california for the first time. i don’t think i could have imagine being a much more different and interesting state of being. by the first time i laid my hands on her silky skin, i always figured that this day would come. she asks me if i am ready and of course on many levels i am not but i hope my ability to learn quickly has not abandon me.