lost inside the matrix

i was reading a bit from anam thubuten’s the magic of awareness on a flight today and it was helpful in reminding me the work that i still needed to do. dispite my spiritual progress on a number of fronts, my practice is still largely based on my own egotic movivations. although not necessary a full blown case of spiritual materialism, i know there is work that needs to happen to go beyond this particular stage. i think the awareness of the issue is a start and i suspect the andidote is just more medidation and ‘purification’. what i find most challening is figuring out what that right balance of practice is in the context of my life. right now, spirtual practice/awareness is less than 5% of my life, yet i suspect that it can be considerably more if i reframe the question. although i feel like i am heading in the right direction in intergrating the various parts of my life, i am not as comfortable with the progess of intergration. part of me tells myself to accept the progress as it is but another part reminds me that life is very short and i should do more. i don’t think the tension necessaily causes much stress in my life per say but it haunts me now and then. i do need to think about a ‘plan’ to take the practice to the next level.