where am i ?

my girlfriend asked where i am with my growth plans and in my usual smartass attitude, i responded that i am 20% at 4 quadrants. it was smart ass but i did give serious thought into the manner. it’s usually on my mind in some form these days because everyone knows that i am not living to the fullest. it would be wrong for me to say that i am working through the ‘grind’ of it but sometimes it feels that way. ultimately i see it as a foundation for other endeavors but the question becomes how big of a foundation do i really need. patience i suggest because six years is not unreasonable for a project such as this. the only catch of course is to have a more balanced approach to the day to day experience. i keep telling myself that it’s all going to change when she comes around. but i suspect i may trade in one intensity for another intense experience. it’s true that i haven’t had much contemplation time in the past X years but there is flow, progress and direction. i believe that patience is one of my values but balance isn’t. and that is where she will work her magic on me. as i was drifting off to sleep as night, i keep on planting mental seeds to dream about her. unfortunately those seeds were not fruitful but i did realize something of significant on my drive back from san diego. i have already known that i sleep much better when i am sleeping with her but i think i made the connection that her energy helps ignite my dream engine as well. she is a wonderful dreamer and i am keen on recapturing my ability to, first dream and then begin my dream yogas. she has been writing profusely lately and in turn inspired this barge of sporadic thoughts. i rode my bike today and mediated this morning. i keep getting this strong urges to express my love for her but we’re on a communication fast and i am wondering why i cry so easily. i almost cried last week while i was photographing a bunch of bankers talking about how they’re helping the inner citiy kids. there is obviously something i am neglecting and i suspect it’s my inability to express compassion through actions and words. it’s a frustrating experience to say the least but that’s what i am working on my love.

 

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published.