i may not ever publish this for some time but it’s quite significant that it makes into the blogsphere. anyway, i am still recovering from a shock to my emotional system from this past weekend and my attempt to express it in any medium will fall short of it. it would be foolish to suggest i’ve never had such intense feelings but at the same time, given enough experience, it would be not entirely accurate to suggest that what i am feeling is incomparable. granted, i haven’t felt much emotions and ‘aliveness’ in the past 3 years but there is still enough reference to appreciate its relative context.considering
the atypical circumstances around it all, it’s hardly surprising that it’s overwhelming. there’s some resistance to not elevate the experience to some sort of holy spiritual revelation but to continue the path of unreasonableness, i dare say that it is a life changing experience. it reminds me of coming back from a meditation retreat where your convictions are renewed and the sense of purpose becomes a driver of powerful actions. the details of these changes lack clarity at the moment but the efficiency of ‘work’ continues to be amplified in order to create more time for life.
at this point, putting the experience into of my life (and why do i deserve this kind of thinking), i feel almost frightened by the spiritual bliss of my life to date. the more bliss, the more responsibility to share and apply it to benefit of all. This view i must keep in the forefront of it all, otherwise, self indulgence and thoughts of unworthiness will plague me.