i saw a double header last night, broken flowers and mysterious skin, both dealing with the past and the importance of “completing” or in layman’s term’s, coming to terms with it. it wasn’t as much as good entertainment per say but then again, i have ultra motives these days when i watch movies by directors that i respect. while one part of me is trying to enjoy the movie from a entertainment (break from work point of view), the always working part of me is analyzing the scenes in terms of composition, lighting and mood. it’s not so much that i expect to fully appreaciate these staged scenes with a mere single viewing but i am just allowing my subconscious do all the work and i suspect it will resurface at some at point in my life. in some respect, i am more actively defining my influenences through movies since i rarely have time for the musemum or proper art history research.

speaking of, i had the chance to enjoy a throughly excellent exhibit at sfmoma recently; a collection of artists influence by the surrealist movement. no doubt it one of my favorite movements but then again, i don’t know that many movements in general. regardless, i know what i like and matters dealing with the subconscioius, dreams, the organic will invariably interest me. undoubt, david lynch is a surrealist filmmaker and hence my deep apprecaition for his work. anyway, i was significantly inspired by the exhibit and dare thought about some of my own ideas that i will explore at some point in my short life. as usual, my art confidant and i had much to discuss – from what inspired us to when was the last time we cried. we left each other company only after two sake bottles and that was also an attestment to where we were at.

anyway, returning to the matter of the past revisted, i am invariably return to the matter of my mother. to be honest, even if i did ‘complete’ with her, i can’t imagine our relationship would return to any state of normalacy. at best she will know that i forgive her and love her as she is. at best she will forgive me for being the bad son. and then what, i will talk to her once or twice a year and we will talk about matters of insignificance. last i recollected, i had lunch with her at a chinese restauant in philadelphia many years ago and i had left the restauarnt wondering about the nature of my karma that would lead to my current state of affairs. to be honest, since i am in the center of all my estrange relationships with my family members, i must have major karma issues to work out in this life time. sometimes i think that i should feel more guilty about the whole business but there’s a part of me lacks the ability to feel remorse in matters of my own karmic doing. the past is the past and the reconsitution of my karma starts tonight again and again.