thoughts from the mountain

enjoying a weekend at sierra hot springs by myself and taking the the chance to get more clarity on things. granted, even these solo therapeutic solo adventures are filled with things to do. it’s quite easy for us humans to fill out days with busyness and i think back about my time in the desert on the vision quest. it was definitely one of the few times in my life where i had to face the darkness and pain of my soul and wasn’t constantly distracted by activities. to be honest, i didn’t even do a very good job in terms of really removing as many distractions as i could. luckily, the fact that i was fasting made the difference in not actually being able to do much. and so i question how much ‘processing’ i am going to do this weekend. between running, soaking, cooking and shit, maybe a solid 30 minutes of processing. still, it is breaking away from the routine of every day life and the more time i spend in nature, the more it’s feeding my soul. one noticeable shift in my perception is all the last comparison analysis i do while i am in nature and disconnected from the internet. although i don’t regularly compare myself, i still feel the negative impact of all the social media feeds. there is such a nice relief when i don’t see that. maybe one thing i can do is a weekly digital detox. no internet on sundays. anyway, going back to the primary point of getting away. i am stuck in my habits again and i need to set some new goals around relationship building next year. although the temptation to start another ‘business’ is becoming more powerful, it doesn’t quite feel ‘right’. i do need something to pull me next year. i feel like i am being push by ‘work’ and although there is a pull, the push of financial failure leaves a bad taste in my mouth. what is the pull of my spiritual development? yeah, i suspect my spiritual pull is being hinder by my original wound of sorts. we will see how the energy healing goes tomorrow!

had a bathroom epiphany this morning. the idea of combining my probe into my subconscious with a visual diary. the construct of the intention of understanding my original wound and the visual manifestation of the healing process. i suspect much of my original wound is unlike many people. our separation from our original nature, separation from nature, from loved ones. the question becomes what is my own expression for that look like. war, water, breathe, loneliness. these are my dark places. movement, nature, helping others, acceptance are the themes of healing.