molasses of inertia

i am really feeling the landscape of my island these days. even though my vision quest had shone a spotlight in this glaring part of my life, i am still feeling pretty stuck in my habitual patterns of being not particularly social. i am using my fatherhood/work is very challenging excuse to have a very low dosage of social interactions and there are times that it becomes slightly embarrassing. of course, i’ve surround myself by mostly very busy/non family oriented people as well. undoubtedly, i don’t need a lot of friends. just a few good ones that would venture deep and long into the wilderness with me. as much i have been explicit about my desire to be in an intimate relationship, i find myself generally unexcited by what’s out there. granted given my very limited social interactions and half ass attempts at online dating, it’s not hard for me be slightly disappointed with my results. unfortunately or fortunately, i find that i am not that all unhappy with my lonesome state of being. i could easily be in a relationship but being in an inspiring one, well, i am on the waitlist for that. even more so, i can’t seem to shake this dreadful feeling that i’ve been through it all before. in this life time and many others. all this conflicting thoughts invariably has put me in an state of inertia. i think i need a new dream. this cultural dream of success and etc is a stepping stone i need to get off. to take another leap beyond my comfort zones of material and stress free live style. there is a seed is germinating about a brave new venture with people with similar caliber and passion.