relapsing into the darkness

i successfully failed yesterady in my bid for 40 days of simple intergrity. granted it wasn’t intentional but then again, some say that neither is love. and so in the midst of a glorious wedding adventure, the absentedness of thought deliever the fatal blow of destorying my own vows. alas, it was only 2 sips of wine but because i was not present, i totally had forgotten that i had taken a vow. all through out last week, i resisted numerous approraite opportunities to have just a little sip but i remain steadfast. in light of my trangression, ever so slight and so careless some would argue, i took two more steps back to make sure that it was intentional. alas, the “fallacy” of broken statements as a dear friend once reminded me in the distance near past. and so i must begin again the journey of reunication. hopefully, i will gain consideable more strength for this jounery in the coming days. it may seem so trivial to give thoughts to such a small matter and one shouldn’t really sweat the small stuff. but some where between catchy phrases and ulitimate reality lies the paradox of this existence.

this fine sunday afternoon, i stroll chrissy fields with one of few that questions me. i know it’s his nature to question, so his inquiry into my existence is of no speciallness. as the full glory of our beloved city unravel along our reengineered park land, we banter on the nature of great asses and the meaning of art and love. man childs as it would be in our circle of acquitances because the more we move forward, the more relevant “rose bud” becomes. “rose bud” as citizen kane would describe it was the perfect moment in our life when the unadulated feeling of joy was untainted by the future nor weighted by the past. and so we recollected on the days of simplicity and ponder the worthiness of our mildly obsessive focus on the manifest of production. there are few that i share my worries and there are even fewer that would tread on the path of mutual destruction egoes.

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