lost letter to uma

whenever you tell me how ‘favoublus’ you look, i great a chuckle inside my soul. the way you say it and how you say it with such pride, it’s a wonderful joy you give me. every day, i ask myself why you didn’t come into my life earlier. i would have sooner realize the preciousness of this human life. i know it intellectually before but only until now do i feel it in my bones. so i simultaneously rush so that i can slow down earlier. it’s a funny joke we play on ourselves. and then i remind myself that i don’t need to buy you another ‘present’ but just need to be present with you, doing the simplest thing together like making chocolate cup cakes that you didn’t even like. it’s true that it’s as much about me ‘growing up’ and being a ‘responsible’ as much as you’re growing in your endless ways. it almost seems like every week, you surprise me with a concept you express. like the enjoyment of sharing or the idea of taking care of daddy. one day when i am old and fragile and you hold my weak head up and tell me in those same words that you will take care of me, i will die knowing. i know i can’t be attached to what you may become. i just hope that our cosmic karma has allow us to benefit more beings in this life time. there are many days when i you are the seed of my visualization. the warm feeling of intense pure will translate to that net of compassion for all beings.